Chapter 37: Feelings Awaken Like Emerging from a Dream

As Yun Ci's gaze fell upon her, Chu Xiu was reminded of the dagger gifted by Shen Yu. Though exquisitely crafted and pleasing to the eye, it was, after all, a cold and sharp blade.

Under Yun Ci’s scrutiny, Chu Xiu felt an inexplicable flutter of her heart. Her memories of him had always been gentle and gracious, making her feel as if bathed in spring breeze. Yet now...

His eyes flickered, shifting from her face to her slender wrist for only an instant before returning. Only then did Chu Xiu recall that Steward Yun was still holding her wrist, and she hurriedly withdrew her hand.

Yun Ci continued to watch her. She had not adorned herself with makeup, yet her cheeks were flushed as if touched by rouge, her countenance radiant and alluring.

Neither spoke. Chu Xiu could not, Yun Ci would not. Instead, Steward Yun was the first to recover, bowing respectfully, "Greetings, Marquis."

Yun Ci ignored him, maintaining his silence, his gaze fixed upon Chu Xiu, unwilling to miss a single change in her expression. Uncomfortable and guilty, Chu Xiu unconsciously lowered her head and bowed.

Zhuying coughed lightly at the appropriate moment and asked, "Where is Uncle Zhong? Does the Marquis have instructions?"

Steward Yun quickly replied, "Uncle and Aunt are in the backyard. I will fetch them at once." With that, he turned and ran off.

With Steward Yun gone, the atmosphere in the courtyard became even more hushed. Chu Xiu stood awkwardly, not daring to look up at Yun Ci. Ever since she learned of Steward Yun’s wish to marry her, her mind had been in turmoil.

Surprise, realization, speculation, shame, guilt… All these mingled with a faint resentment that now lingered in her heart.

Yun Ci remained silent, neither entering nor leaving. One stood inside the courtyard, the other outside, separated by the arched gate, experiencing the most awkward moment since they met.

Fortunately, Steward Yun soon returned, bringing with him Housekeeper Yun Zhong and his wife and children, who all bowed deeply to Yun Ci. Yun Zhong’s face showed clear anxiety as he said, "Had I known the Marquis would grace us with a visit, I am at fault for not preparing."

Only then did Yun Ci shift his gaze from Chu Xiu to Yun Zhong, replying mildly, "It is nothing. Passing by your courtyard, I remembered some trivial matters and thought I would stop in."

Yun Zhong was even more flustered, "Should the Marquis have commands, a word sent would suffice. I would have come at once to receive them. There was no need for you to trouble yourself. I am most undeserving."

Yun Ci said nothing further, only, "I saw your courtyard lively, that's all. No need for formality."

Lively? Yun Zhong glanced at his nephew, then at Chu Xiu. One was taciturn, the other mute—how could there be any liveliness? With that thought, understanding dawned as he looked at Yun Ci’s impassive face.

His nephew’s marriage, it seemed, would not happen.

Realizing this, Yun Zhong quickly said to Yun Ci, "It was my fault, delaying business in Huainan... Tomorrow I will have my nephew return."

Yun Ci replied, "If so, spend today speaking well together. Steward Yun may take a day’s rest."

Yun Zhong’s heart skipped, unable to tell if the Marquis’s words were reward or rebuke, but he could only feign ignorance and smile in thanks.

Yun Ci then said, "Zhuying, let us go," without a word or glance for Chu Xiu.

Zhuying pushed Yun Ci away, wishing to signal Chu Xiu to follow, but she kept her gaze down, leaving Zhuying no choice but to call out, "Miss Chu Xiu, the tasks in Qingxin Studio are not yet finished."

Only then did Chu Xiu return to herself, bowing to Yun Zhong and following out the door. Yun Zhong’s family hurried after them, seeing their master off.

Not until Yun Ci and his party were out of sight did Steward Yun ask, puzzled, "Wasn’t the Marquis here to speak with you? Why did he leave without saying anything?"

Yun Zhong glared fiercely at his nephew, "You calculate accounts and manage affairs so cleverly, but now you have lost all sense! Can’t you see? Your marriage proposal has failed! Don’t think any more about Miss Chu Xiu. Tomorrow, return to Huainan at once!"

*****

On one side, Steward Yun endured his uncle’s scolding; on the other, Chu Xiu awaited punishment. Yet the three returned without incident to Zhi Yan Pavilion, and Yun Ci said not a word on the way, nor did he seem inclined to anger. This left Chu Xiu feeling tormented.

At last, unable to bear the oppressive silence, she looked pleadingly at Zhuying for rescue.

But Zhuying pretended not to see, instead saying to Yun Ci, "Shall we return to Qingxin Studio?"

Yun Ci answered with a single "Mm."

Hearing this, Chu Xiu grew anxious. Qingxin Studio was her domain, and Zhuying’s suggestion made clear she was expected to follow, which felt like walking into her own doom.

But Yun Ci had agreed, and with no instruction to avoid him, she could only quietly follow.

Not a word was spoken. Upon entering Qingxin Studio, Zhuying pushed Yun Ci into the study as usual, then withdrew to stand guard outside. Chu Xiu followed in, standing quietly by, awaiting orders.

The silence in the study was almost frightening. Chu Xiu glanced at Yun Ci, seeing his face cold and stern, an aura of frosty clarity enveloping him, inspiring awe. Even when facing the Ming family at Zhuihong Court, she had never seen Yun Ci in such a state.

Then, he had been fierce; now, he was icy.

Both master and servant possessed peerless bearing—one seated, one standing—like a still painting by the hand of an immortal.

After a long while, it was Yun Ci who surrendered first, sighing softly and asking in a low voice, "Do you realize your mistake?"

Chu Xiu nodded, then recalled she was behind him and he could not see. She was about to move before him when he, as if with eyes at the back of his head, said, "If you know your mistake, you must show your remorse."

He tapped the desk twice with his finger, then pointed to the prepared sheets of paper, "Where did you go wrong?"

Was she to write her repentance? Chu Xiu found it both frustrating and amusing, but dared not defy him. She ground the ink and wrote carefully, "I should not have left Zhi Yan Pavilion during my watch."

Yun Ci’s displeasure deepened upon seeing her words, his voice dropping, "Since when did you start calling yourself ‘slave’?"

Chu Xiu felt wronged and quickly wrote, "Qian Yun and Dan Xin do so."

"They are themselves; you are you," Yun Ci chided lightly, then returned to the matter at hand, pointing at her writing, "Leaving Zhi Yan Pavilion? Is that your only mistake?"

Chu Xiu thought seriously, then wrote, "I should not have sought out Steward Yun."

"Steward Yun? Or Steward Yun?" Yun Ci asked, seemingly casual, but his tone was anything but friendly.

At this, Chu Xiu felt not only wronged but also aggrieved. She did not know where the courage came from as she pressed her lips and wrote, "Why didn’t you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Yun Ci glanced at the paper, then at her.

How could she bring herself to say it? Chu Xiu bit her lip and wrote, "You know very well!"

Yun Ci seemed to understand at last, "You mean Yun Zhong’s proposal for his nephew?"

Chu Xiu nodded.

Yun Ci fell silent again, his handsome profile and furrowed brow making him appear sharp yet gentle.

Another long silence passed before Yun Ci spoke again, "The day I asked if you had met him, you were evasive. Now there is nothing left to hide. Tell me, how did you come to know him?"

Chu Xiu could do nothing but write the entire account of her meeting with Steward Yun, including mention of Second Young Master Yun Qi on the road, though omitting Dan Xin’s leniency.

Yun Ci read the lengthy explanation, his expression softening slightly, though he still rebuked her, "You certainly know how to curry favor, selling a kindness to Yun Zhong behind my back."

Chu Xiu knew she was at fault and could only accept the rebuke.

Seeing her aggrieved look, Yun Ci’s heart softened, but he wished to tease her, so he feigned a stern face and asked, "What are your thoughts on this marriage?"

Thoughts? Chu Xiu was briefly stunned, realizing Yun Ci was soliciting her opinion. Did this mean he approved? If he did not, he would have simply refused—why ask her? Connecting this with his silence that morning, she guessed he must have deliberated.

For reasons she could not explain, his attitude made her heart ache with a bittersweet pang. She was not naïve nor ignorant, yet if she had not understood her feelings for Yun Ci before, the marriage proposal had made her awaken as if from a dream.

It was nothing like what she had felt for Helian Qi. He had courted her ardently, and she responded openly, regarding him as her beloved, a man who knew and understood her.

But Yun Ci was her master, a noble she could only admire from afar, and the benefactor who had rescued her from misery.

Had she still been Han Chu, perhaps she would have boldly expressed herself. But now, she was Chu Xiu.

Some feelings Han Chu could have, but Chu Xiu never could. Her status was low, her past squalid...

Ultimately, she had overstepped. She should have kept her place as a servant, yet she cared too much about Yun Ci. Perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to cut off her foolish fantasies.

So be it. After Helian Qi, finding a man who did not care about her past was already a luxury. A quiet companionship was not so bad.

Yes, companionship without mutual understanding. Without a soulmate, what is there to know? Her qin was sealed; from now on, she would never play for anyone again, especially not a man.

Chu Xiu finally smiled wryly at herself and looked at Yun Ci. He, too, was watching her with a grave expression.

Chu Xiu sighed deeply in her heart and forced a smile, then wrote, "This marriage is entirely at your discretion."

"What did you say?" Before she finished the last character, Yun Ci’s face darkened and he retorted.

By now, Chu Xiu had no courage left to meet his gaze, lowering her eyes to hide their sorrow.

By rights, as a servant, to be married to the steward’s nephew—the manager of the Huainan rice business—was a step up for her. Moreover, before coming to Yanlan City, Yun Ci himself had promised to find her a match.

Besides, Steward Yun had said he did not mind whether she was untouched. Only Yun Ci was implicated, his reputation stained.

Thinking thus, Chu Xiu forced her smile brighter and slowly wrote three words: "I am willing."